Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
