I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
