Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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