Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
