My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
