How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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