Your mouth is God's brothel.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
