Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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