I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
