Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
