everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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