No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
