you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
