my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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