I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize