Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have post one night stand depression
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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