I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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