Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
