The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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