she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
