He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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