TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
