What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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