why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
