Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
