I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
