I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
