So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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