I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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