I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
even my farts smell like vagina
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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