no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fill condoms, not promises.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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