I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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