So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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