How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
