I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
