Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
