I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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