i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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