I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize