Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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