He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
