I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize