Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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