On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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