At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
