i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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