Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
3pm strippers are depressing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize