I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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