I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
