I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize