Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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