sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
