dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
MIDGETS
????
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
