I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
