im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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