I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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