I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
