Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
