her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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