So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
