he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize