I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
