If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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