Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
