some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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