hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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