i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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