walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
