she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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