boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
