just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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