could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize